Counting Down Pixars Films From Worst to First (Formerly “I Am Pixar’s Willing Bitch”)

Note from DouBle B: After the release of Brave this past week, I have updated the countdown to include Pixar's latest. Where do you think it landed? For my full review of Brave,  CHECK IT OUT HERE (that might give you a clue). This post was originally written on November 16th, 2011.

Brave is Pixar 's first film to feature a female in the lead role. It is a tale of the skilled archer Merida (voiced by Boardwalk Empire/Trainspotting /No Country for Old Men's awesome as hell Kelly MacDonald) and her quest to break a spell that she accidentally put upon herself. It is scheduled to open on June 22nd of 2012, and I will be there.
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Pixar is the shit. Ever since I saw Toy Story in the Rose Theater I had an inkling traditional animation was at the least, had to change somehow because what was displayed before my eyes was real magic. I'm sure audiences in 1937 must have felt the same when people saw Snow White. Sure not every film has been perfect, Cars comes to mind, Cars was awful, and Cars 2 looked a lot worse, but many of the Emeryville, California studio entries have been damn close to flawless.

It's not like they have to care about the quality as long as they make money, which they surely have, at an average of $602 million over it's twelve films. And I know for sure that they don't care one bit that Cars sucks, you know why? They've made around $10 billion on merchandise sales from the movie. When I read that I nearly choked on my pretzel. That's Star Wars merchandise money, I had no idea.


For those of you who hate Fox, know that George Lucas tricked them into giving him 100% control over all Star Wars merchandise, which make enough money to hold up an entire studio themselves. And for those of who hate George Lucas, I think he just telepathically told you to go fuck yourself.Because he can probably afford that type of technology nowadays.


Here is my countdown of all thirteen, from worst to first.

#13


Cars 2 - I haven't seen it, don't plan to, but I know it sucks. Don't make me explain, I just know. Well, ok, I'll explain. It's kinda like the force, and that's all I will tell you.



#12

http://i0.wp.com/www.kids-n-fun.com/Wall/cars%20pixar/cars_21.jpg
Cars - I wasn't too excited about this one even before it was released. The reason: Larry the Cable Guy. Plus usually when Owen Wilson isn't involved with Wes Anderson I don't like it.


 

#11


http://i1.wp.com/www.movie-wallpaper.us/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/pixar_brave_2012-wide-1024x640.jpg?resize=1024%2C640
Brave - One again if you didn't read my full review, HERE IT IS. I was close to putting it below the first Cars film. I just did not like this movie. Get em next time Pixar.


 

 

#10



A Bug's Life - I liked Dreamworks' Antz better.



#9

http://i2.wp.com/images1.fanpop.com/images/photos/1800000/Ratatouille-Production-Stills-ratatouille-1847049-1902-2560.jpg

Ratatouille - I probably need to watch it again. Hard to put it above the rest on the list.


 

#8

 

http://i1.wp.com/www.dan-dare.org/freefun/Images/CartoonsMoviesTV/MonstersIncWallpaper1024.jpg

Monsters, Inc - Prrretty good. Great voice acting with John Goodman and Billy Crystal. The teaser for the prequel, Monsters University, can be found here.


#7

http://i1.wp.com/pixarplanet.com/blog/images/875.jpg
Up - First ten minutes are incredibly touching, fuckin' sad. Pixar was on its game.


 

 

#6

http://i2.wp.com/www.aolcdn.com/aolmovies/toy-story-3-1200.jpg
Toy Story 3 - This one gets intense near the end with the whole incinerator incident. Everybody in the theater was losing their shit. One thing I didn't like was the annoying little girl and what I thought was an drawn out, sappy ending.


 

 

#5


Wall-E - I want one.


 

 

#4


Toy Story - Changed the game. It took about two minutes for me to realize that this was the way animation had to go.


#3

http://i2.wp.com/blogs.scientificamerican.com/guilty-planet/files/2011/12/nemo.jpg
Finding Nemo - This one was a big leap forward as far as technically. And technically I fucking love this movie. Still watch it at least once a year, including when I go see it in 3D on September 24th.


 

 

#2



The Incredibles - Directed by Brad Bird, helmer of my favorite hand animated movie of all-time, The Iron Giant. This is not only the greatest animated superhero movie of all-time, it kicks the crap out of most of the live action entries as well. The characters are unique enough to seem like they have a whole deep back story, rather than the assumption of a Fantastic Four ripoff (which it pretty much is).


And, without further ado, the number one that I give to you is........

 

 

#1



Toy Story 2 - It was nearly a no-brainer for me, with The Incredibles getting some consideration, but Toy Story 2 is number one on my list. I said earlier that a lot of Pixar's movies were "damn near flawless", well, this one IS flawless. I've never heard a theater laugh so loud than the parking cone scene, yes, the little kids, who made up about half the crowd, helped the decibel level.


What are your favorite Pixar movies? I know you love em, don't lie.